a spirit rebelious

In all gathering of information, we look for but one thing...affirmation. When we look into matters of politics, we tend to accept information that confirms our existing beliefs. The same for our physical awareness, for instance, dietary studies, and how certain diets can lead to different ends. Or what history states as fact, though one sided it may be, to back an argument. It is then, no different when matters of the spirit are concerned.

We try so hard to separate spiritual matters from our daily lives, some even going as far to deny their spiritual existence. To this I say, if you are to commit spiritual suicide, then your body and mind in part are also dying, and will suffer the pains of death and loss all the rest of your breathing life. Otherwise thinking, caring individuals, will masque their spirit in the cloak of religion, as if to say that religions are not the words of other spiritual beings, rather the infallible word of the spirit itself. This allows for security and safekeeping of a spiritual slave. To condemn one's own spiritual knowledge to restriction of input and of course output, is spiritual slavery. Slavery is a kind of death that we abhor and fear, and therefore never can recognize in ourselves. As "free" people, we will refuse to admit that we either are slaves or maintain slavery. Then we continue to allow our own spirits to be broken in the name of capital gain, or social acceptance.

We hide behind the words of men dead a thousand lifetimes ago and never therefore never truly give voice to our own lives. This subtle idolatry leads to a confusion of the self so chaotic that one may never truly recover. When a person, from the age of being a child, learns only that they are to obey, they learn only that which they accept. A select few will will discover that only rebellion is freedom. A spirit rebellious is an awakened spirit.

Of course, where does one begin? Do we have to internally unlearn all that we have been taught, under the presupposition that any truth mingled with lies is suspect? Or is it possible to build truth upon a foundation of lies, making use of the knowledge of deceit as a defense against it in the future? I think both.

Upon first discovering that it is possible that I had been fed God from a tarnished spoon, I reacted with a basic reaction of denial. First denial of the possibility, then eventually denial of the God. This then led to a sort of awakening of the spirit, that led me down paths of self discovery and eventually self destruction. It was necessary for me to destroy a part of my own spirit, and part of my own body and mind, before I could truly claim ownership of it myself. I had to, essentially, torture myself into a confession of ignorance and innocence. I needed to believe it when i plead not guilty, and once that was established, I needed to then begin to take full responsibility for any and all matters of my spirit. It was mine to build or destroy, but from that point on, I was to blame. It was the most frightening revelation of my life.

You see, a spirit awakened is a dangerous thing. It craves action, and unleashes truths so powerful that to deny them, physically hurts. You learn quickly of the inseparable connection of body, mind, and spirit. There are those in the world of metaphysics that believe a tender balance need be maintained, and at no time can any person excel in all three aspects. To this I call bullshit. This is a fear mechanism, used to rationalize apathetic behavior as a natural occurance, and must then be accepted as a part of being human. No, being human is just that, BEING. It is a VERB. A communication must take place internally and externally at all times. Everything that happens in your life has an affect and an effect upon yourself and the world. Your actions and lack thereof are ingrained in the universal conscience and must be treated with respect and responsibility. Do not let your spiritual dogshit fill the lawn of the world consciousness.

In my own spiritual journey I have taken on many rolls. I have been the lover, the thief, the king, the beggar, the criminal and the cop. I have explored as many aspects of myself that I know of. I am sure there are more quests ahead, but for the time I am resolute in pursuing a life of positive action. I will paint and write and sing and dance and scream when needed. I have and will continue to study the life of Jesus, notice I said the life not the death. Dwelling and relying upon the death of that man to save your soul is ludicrous and sinister. No death has ever brought salvation to anyone's soul except the one of the person dying. Period. It is life that concerns me, as my spirit lives and my body lives and must then live according to the belief that creation is the only proof of god's existence. The ability to create, and the necessity of it, is the only way to work in the image of god. Love is not a destroyer of things, or of life.

I study also the works of great poets/prophets such as William Blake, Walt Whitman, William Carlos Williams, Pablo Neruda, Bob Marley, John Lennon. These are gods in that they exemplify god in all that they do. They create. Put down the bible for a while and read some Rumi. You will then learn that god has as many voices as there are sounds in the world and in this knowledge you can find that your voice is an important voice, therefor your life is an important life and your actions are important actions. It is all connected.

I write this tonight in some form of a quest for more knowledge. I write this knowing well that I may be wrong, but I also know that I am learning this as I go.